Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
