And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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