im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He? As in you personified your dick?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
