Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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