I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
