Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize
