Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize