so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize