wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
