Cold hands, warm shart.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
