people are starting to question the shark bite story
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
