am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
