I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
