the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
