phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
