The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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