Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
