First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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