Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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