I don't think brook has ever known best
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
