I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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