and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Randomize
