i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You were trust falling into bushes
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
