Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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