He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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