i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Welp...herpes.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I DEMAND FORESKIN
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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