heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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