I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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