I feel like I'm in dance class right now
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize