We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
