I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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