i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
My vagina is officially offended.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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