I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
How external is "for external use only"?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
