oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
