We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize