wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
