after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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