My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I think I just sharted jello shots
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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