Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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