Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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