our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
