On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
