Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
