dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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