omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Someone signed my nipple.
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