yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
