I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
