matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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