my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
