can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
