forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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