Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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