Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
