her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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