mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Randomize
