did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Everything about him screamed your future.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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