DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
