break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
