I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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