Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
