I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
