It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
