i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
