Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
