Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
