i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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