I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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