It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
