Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize