I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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