HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
