im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
