I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
