sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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