I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I look excited, but its just a facade.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize