she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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