I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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