I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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