If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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