I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
