If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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