After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
