I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
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