How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
smell my finger.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
