So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
