So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
