Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
