You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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