Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
