i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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