guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
