WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
