I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
