dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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