the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
