Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
should my penis look like a turkey
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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